Finding The Missing Piece
My thesis exhibition Finding The Missing Piece was ultimately about my experience in printmaking after Covid-19. All of the many trials and tribulations, failed attempts, and long nights just trying to not only reteach myself how to print after not being in a printing studio since the start of Covid shutdown in 2020 but also trying to get the flow of coming up with concepts for my art pieces. Trying to get my art back to the quality I knew it could be. Forcing myself to step out of my comfort zone and print in ways that I normally wouldn't and experimenting with the process. Hoping and praying something would work when I couldn't figure out why things aren't going as planned and going with the flow. The title also relates to this idea of trying to make my ideas and concepts relate to my theme of dimensional portals for my answer to be sitting right in front of my face. Figuring out that the portal I created was through my memories and files of references and experiences I have had throughout my life. I'm super excited for these pieces to be shown and I hope everyone else loves them just as much as I do. Thank you to everyone who took the time out to come and visit our senior exhibition.
First Semester
Today we are going to go on a journey because I only feel that its right to explain how I got to the concept for my art this semester. As a person that has always loved the arts, I always knew that I would somehow fall into a major that involved the arts. When people ask the question, why did I choose art? Or why do I do art? Many people have great and sentimental answers like it helps them to relax, or someone or something had a significant impact on their life and that’s how they fell in love with the arts. Mine are none of those things, granted some things have stuck with me throughout the years. However, my answer is always because I want to. I think that art is fun, and it allows me to express myself in ways that I may not know how to do otherwise. I love the experimentation of it all and the freedom to pretty much do anything I want because it’s my art.
Once I got to college, I took a class called printmaking. I never heard of this class, I couldn’t even picture what it entailed. However, I stayed in the class to see what was going to come out of it. Luckily and surprisingly, I fell in love with it. My medium is screenprint and I am a multi color print type of person with many ideas and concepts, and I hate having to stick with one concept because of my many interests, so every project so far has and probably will be different. In my print 2 class all the way back in my sophomore year, our objective was to pick a theme or topic and stick with it for the whole semester. And because I hate the idea of sticking to one particular theme. I had to come up with one that allowed me to explore. So, what did I do? I chose dimensional portals. Outside of this being an interest of mine. This also meant that I could go anywhere (fictional or nonfictional), and I could go to anytime. This allowed me to play with and create spaces that would normally be unattainable for this project. And the pieces turned out great! And since the senior seminar is the same idea, I decided to continue this concept of dimensional portals because it only made sense.
Pablo Picasso once said “every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.” And I’ve never felt this quote so much until this year. For most of my career in print I have never struggled with coming up with ideas and concepts for my prints. Until… This year for my senior seminar class. At the start of this year, I was in a serious creative funk, a weird creative block if you will, and it lasted almost two months and if I’m being honest, it’s still going on in a way. It’s crazy because I started out being very excited to start this class and had so many references and ideas. I always thought about what I was going to print when I got back to school and then I got here, and everything went blank. But it went blank when the prints didn’t come out properly. Initially I thought maybe I’m just being lazy, since I live so far away from campus and more specifically the CA. I was like yea it will pass. But it didn’t. So, the first critique I didn’t have anything and honestly, I almost didn’t have anything for the second critique. But then I got inspired. I was supposed to go home the weekend before critiques (which by the way, didn’t happen) so I knew I had to get things done. So, I went into the studio and just started printing. I started printing transparencies, I started printing actual material, I started taking old pieces and using them as part of new concepts and even though things weren’t going in the way that I wanted them to, I was finally somewhat happy with where things were going.
My other problems at the time were that people weren’t understanding my vision and I felt like I was being put in a box and as I explained previously, I’m not a fan. I was trying to figure out how I could explain my thought process or what I actually meant when I initially stated my concept(s). When I said that I wanted clouds in my first print that’s exactly what I meant. I was only intending on doing a cloud themed print for the first one. I didn’t necessarily have the intention to continue clouds in my other prints, continuing through the semester. So, me not knowing where I was going after my cloud print didn’t come out and not knowing how to fix the problem to also feeling like everyone was looking for something that wasn’t actually happening, just put me in a weird space where I didn’t really want to print, and it didn’t help that I also didn’t know what to print. And through this whole weird space and situation that I was in, I also had to reteach myself how to print because I hadn’t done it in almost 2 years.
Now, why didn’t I talk to my advisors about this issue? Well, it was because initially I thought I was being lazy. However, once I got past that, I didn’t really know how to express it because everyone wanted products and the pressure of not having anything didn’t help. If I went into a meeting, I knew that the first question would be how’s the prints? (THAT I DIDN’T HAVE) and I really wanted to have something to show even if it was one piece. Also, it was something that I felt I had to figure out on my own. And honestly, I also think it was because I hadn’t talked to my mom about my prints in a while. I find it weird to show people my art and I honestly don’t know why. It may be, because normally a lot of my art is class and project related vs me choosing to do a piece during my free time so normally my mom or my classmates are the one that typically see my work. My mom is my muse and my first best friend, she’s my inspiration and she help me a lot when it comes to my ideas. I talk to my mom on a regular basis and honestly its rare if I’m not on the phone with her. Since I’m always on the phone with her she’s normally there during all parts of making my pieces. This is definitely a big help since I find it weird to show my work to other people. I show her my progress on prints and ask for advice. Like “hey ma, does it feel like something is missing because I feel like something is missing” or “hey ma I want you to look at my print so far, what are you feeling”. She is literally there every step of the way. I also ask her if she likes it. Since she’s my mom she knows me better than I probably know myself so she can answer my questions honestly and she can see things from both her perspective and my perspective. So, her input is always helpful. So, through this process of me being in this artistic block I guess there was this wall that had built its way between me, my art, and what helps me produce my art. This was my very first art obstacle. But once I finally talked to my mom, and everything seemed to smooth out.
At this point we are in the end of October to the beginning of November, and I am now somewhat back in action and even though it was a little slow I got my creative flow back. My printing skills were still trying to come back but once my prints actually came out how I want them to its over for everyone (not literally) and that’s where I decided that I wanted to do the spring semester cue. To prove to myself that I still got it. I love my abstract pieces and as much as I’m a go with the flow and see where it takes you type of person. I would also like for my structured pieces to come out like I
Second Semester
So now we are in second semester and my concept has constantly changed. Last semester we focused a lot on the bad stuff, the negative side of being an artist and being stuck and not knowing how to get out of being stuck, but there’s always a light that pulls you out and for me that light was my mom.
As I previously stated my concept for this class has constantly been changing. And I’m not saying that the concept itself has changed, it’s still dimensional portals but instead of thinking about dimensional portals in the scientific and fictional way, I’m looking at it in a different way. When I had a meeting with my professor we were talking about my theme and how my pieces worked with that theme, and he brought up that I kept trying to force this idea of a portal but the way that my pieces were coming together the portal was already there. My portal is memories, my memories. This was a new sense of realization for me and my art. So recently I have thought about my pieces more in the aspect of memories than transportation. After thinking about my theme in the sense of memories I also thought about dreams. When I make prints it’s a full body effort. I’m not only making prints, but it takes a lot of thinking and developing, a lot of vibes and emotion that is put into my final product. And the reason my pieces never really seem to connect is because it’s usually purely on the vibe and how I’m feeling at that particular moment or I’m working on one piece, and it inspires another idea for a piece. It comes from inspiration from scrolling on Instagram or the many files and memories in my brain.
Now for the sources, the first source I found was “Opening Strange Portals in Physics.” It was an article on a physicist named Lisa Randall who was interested in the idea of dimensional portals. I found this article really interesting because it talks about the science and some of the physics of dimensional portals and if they actually exist. It talks about how dimensional portals are the same as air. It’s there, we just can’t see it. The idea that the particles are so small that its not visible to the human eye so if we do want to see it you have to use special instruments to find it. Lisa said that “they are hidden from us in some way, perhaps because they’re tiny or warped. But even if they’re invisible, they could affect what we actually observe in the universe. There are lots of things we cannot see with the naked eye that turn out to be based in reality” (loIrion, 1). The article and the book also bring in religion, art, and theatre which I found interesting because I definitely wouldn’t have thought that art would have come up, but Lisa Randall the author of the book Knocking on Heaven’s Door worked with an artist to produce a theatrical play that played with the idea of physics and different illusions. I chose to keep this source because it related to my initial concept of dimensional portals and physical ideas of dimensional portals. I also felt that this source, in a way represented me as a person. I have many interests which are shown always in my pieces in some way, shape, or form. Some of my main interest that have stuck with me till this day is art and science. I am a double major in public health and studio arts with a concentration in printmaking also doing a biochemistry independent study/ research. I basically eat, breath, and sleep art and science and I felt that this article subtly also related to me personally because it incorporated all of my interest in a way that I’ve never seen before. I can’t truly say why art and science always interested me but its always been a thing that I loved to learn about and actively chose to engage in. I’ve always been one to look up into the sky and ask questions. I loved to learn about what else was out there. I’ve always been interested in space and dimensional portals are one of those things that makes me think about the idea of space in different ways. Movies is also one of my many references and there are a lot of fictional and fairytale movies out there that continues to feed my imagination and questions on the world of what is actually real and what isn’t. Art has always been a thing that seemed so interesting and fun for me, but I’ve also always looked at it as something that was able to transform old and new things. This article and book made me think back on the past and the present and allowed me to form these connections I have with science, the idea of space, and the many different art forms out in the world.
The rest of my sources have to do with the idea of dreams and memory. One book that I found is called Memories, Dreams, Reflections translated by Aniela Jaffe from the German version by Richard and Clara Winston. This book is like an autobiography of a person and the idea of memories, dreams, and reflection from a first persons view while also incorporating and comparing Sigmund Freud’s idea of these concepts of dreams and memories. One quote that I found in this book was “the ‘autobiography’ is my life, viewed in the light of the knowledge I have gained from scientific endeavors. Both are one, and therefore this book makes great demands on people who do not know or cannot understand my scientific ideas. My life has been in a sense that quintessence of what I have written, not the other way around. The way I am and the way I write are a unity. All my ideas and all my endeavors are myself. Thus the ‘autobiography is merely the dot on the i” (Jung, pg. xii). This statement really set with me because in a way it really relates to how I think and express my work. My work is who I am underneath all of my layers, experiences, and interest. My work is an expression of everything that makes me, ME. The many files that I am able to unlock and look back on and reference. So, if I try to make things visibly connect or force connections because people aren’t seeing what is in my head or isn’t understanding what I’m trying to do, it wouldn’t be true to me. And it’s the same for this essay. I feel that this quote relates to the way I structured this essay in the sense that I explained my journey till this point for people to understand how I got to the theme that I’m at now while also making it make sense for how I think and how I approached the task at hand. My essay is similar to this book and this quote. Just like this quote talks about this realization that this person had my essay is like my autobiography and it’s showing my realization for the true form of my concept. The ideas of memories, feelings and emotions, dislikes and interests, and the process in which my work is created. As a Public health Student and as a person going into Art Therapy you learn about Sigmund Frued in your sociology and psychology classes and its interesting to see different looks on his idea of the mind and memory. As I realized that my themes wasn’t necessarily portals but my memories were the portal that I was trying to create and force the whole semester it all started to make sense.
The next article that I have looked into so far is called memory by Harold Pashler and Mark Carrier. This article literally talks about memory and how memory works. It first gives you a rundown of the different types of memory styles and structures and processes and how they work or how researchers found out about the different types of memory. They get into the fact that every individual is different in the way they store and collect data and memories. It really dives deep into how memory works. For example, the way we recall things. Most people remember things that have high relevance or association to something, verbal context or recognition. Some interesting topics I saw was state dependent retrieval, mood dependent retrieval, and manipulation of mental and physical operations. State dependent retrieval involves manipulating the subjects internal state like changing the mood state of the individual vs mood dependent retrieval which is literally when you change someone’s mood. So, for an example if the person is happy will they retrieve the information better than when they were angry or sad or in the middle (Bjork, et al, 214-216). This was super interesting because I’ve always been interested in how the brain works, how memories are stored and how dreams work and because most of my art pieces are from my many references and memories throughout the year this seemed like the perfect book to literally understand how we make memories and how we store them. This made me think about how I remember things and how everyone could remember the same event differently. So when I create works that are suppose to exude some type of nostalgia or unlock a hidden memory I try to think about what would spark my brain to allow me to think about certain situations or memories and hopefully others can also relate in some way. For example, my horror/ tv themes print, I’ve heard many similar childhood stories’, where they use to watch horror movies and so they wouldn’t get nightmare or if they were still a little freaked out they would turn on a comfort cartoon until they would fall asleep. So even though I create a piece that gives off a vintage and horror feel. If you look close enough some of the TVs also have cartoons that were airing during the early 2000s which is when I was born and around the time most of my friends were born. So in a way things are relatable.
Lastly, I have a book called dreams by Olive Schreiner and it literally is a book of dreams, and they are listed or written as they happen. Its really interesting that this person was able to remember their dreams because literally as I wake up my dream has disappeared from my mind and all I can explain to you is the way the dream felt. The emotion that was left but I probably wouldn’t be able to explain what happened in the dream. The only time I can recall a dream is if its one of my recurring dreams and that’s literally because it comes the same time of year every year or it had come every year until a certain time. But I chose this because as I thought about my new way of thinking of my concept I also thought about dreams. Dreams come from anywhere and they are also a form of memory most likely a warped memory, but they are forms of memories and seeing how people talk about dreams and display dreams were interesting. When I think about my concepts for prints, I sometime go back to previous works that I’ve done previously. Sometimes they are actual prints, and some aren’t but somehow many of my pieces also related to dreams. Some relate to the idea of dreams and nightmares, and then others are dreams as in peoples’ aspirations and what they want in life and how they see their future. So, I found that this book was very interesting for just my thought process and the many new possibilities for my future pieces and experimentation. As I think about my memories as portals we can also look at dreams as portals. They take you back into the past, the future, or a fictional reality that your mind has made up. I loved that I was able to come to this realization of my memories and dreams as being portals because it made it easier to translate that into my work and it made me more confident in my future works because it was clear to me what I was looking for.
I FINALLY FOUND MY MISSING PIECE……
Finding The Missing Piece
